I remember sitting on the floor of my niece’s room, flipping through magazines while she twirled in her dress-up clothes and we sang to the Taylor Swift CD that was playing in the background.
I was so envious of the carefree look in her sweet five-year-old eyes and loved seeing her sincere little girl smile. A real smile, not a mere masquerade to spare those around of whats hurting inside.
My heart was terribly bruised because of a breakup, and I thought I’d never, ever get over it. Him.
After my niece fell asleep my sister Emily popped her head in the room and said something I’ll never forget:
“I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will get over him. And you will realize that you have the whole world ahead of you. And that you deserve so much better. Someday you will see that the best thing he ever did for you was breakup with you.”
It’s been three years since she said this and another two or three heartbreaks have occurred in the meantime. And she was right. (Oh older siblings and their always having wisdom that you hate to admit is brilliant. 😉 )
So, naturally, when I read this essay it made me weepy, and a little nauseous, because some sentences, some of the excuses quoted, I’ve said those exact same words to myself.
You try to accept his lack of initiative to introduce you to his family and friends – “I should just be patient and wait for him to warm up to that idea.” You try to accept how he seldom texts you first – “It’s not that he doesn’t miss me or think of me; he’s just not the texting type.” You try to be okay with him choosing his other friends over you more regularly – “It’s fine, we both should have our own lives.” You begin to accept that he doesn’t really want to share his life with you – “He likes it more to listen to me talk; he’s a good LISTENER.” You think that it’s okay that he doesn’t want to talk about certain things – “I can wait. He will get comfortable with me soon enough.”
So, I want to get a microphone, climb to the roof of the tallest building in Munich, and read this essay at the top of my lungs. Because while the truth hurts—oh, how it can hurt–it also opens up the whole world to you.
That’s what we all deserve in a relationship. Someone you love–and loves you–to share that whole world with.
For those of us not lucky enough to have mister-totally-wrong-for-you end it for us, I hope this gives you the guts to do the best thing you could ever do for yourself–refuse to settle.
And, to the misters who broke my heart. Thank you.
Thank you for realizing I deserve better.
“Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you.”
Read it over.
Let those words resonate in your mind.