heartbreak, march 2013, munich 2013, write it out

To all the people who have ever sobbed on public transportation.

Today I made the lady on the customer service line laugh. 

It wasn’t until I heard her laugh that I was able to smile today.

I think breakups suck. I think if we gathered all of humanity together we could all forget our differences by sharing our tales of heartbreak. We could all realize that no one is safe from it.

It’s a turmoil I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. That’s how much it can hurt.

This “breakup” doesn’t hurt as much as the one before did. Of course it feels as if it does because I’m however many miles away from home and as much as we hate to admit these things to ourselves, being around people of a similar background is just comforting. You don’t have describe why you feel a way or how it’s normal to feel a way back where you come from. You don’t apologize for it all getting “lost in translation.”

And, of course, it’s made even harder by the 45min train ride back home spent in tears. The tears that you just can’t stop. The tears you want to apologize to everyone around you for–but realize the fact you aren’t doing the whole hyperventilating kind of crying you really need to do–so decide they should be ok with a few quivers a few seats away.

My friends and family keep telling me it’s not me. It’s just life.

But how is it not me, whenever the common denominator in all of my relationships has been me?

Riddle me that, batman.

Ok, say it is me.

The reason I am typically the cause?

Because I “care too much.”

It’s a funny thing, this whole caring too much ruining everything.

Sheesh.

But if I’m remembered as “the girl who cared too much*” that isn’t so bad.

———————————————————————————————————

*And let’s not confuse caring for overbearing. Hand to Heaven, I worry so much about being “clingy” that I become the exact opposite. So it’s all a bit weird. 

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22 thoughts on “To all the people who have ever sobbed on public transportation.

  1. If you're anything like me (and I feel like you are from the words I've read on your blog) someday someone will appreciate how you care as much as you do. It will be refreshing, and you'll feel grateful that you had those past experiences, because all of the ones that “went wrong” make the one that goes right feel so, so right. And you just know it. You deserve that.

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  2. First of all, can we just talk about how great your choice of picture was? Mr. Nemours & Junie… that alone shows that you have good judgement and wouldn't be clingy. Fact.

    I am sorry for your heart break. I hope you can find little things to fall in love with while your heart heals. A new tea, fresh flowers from the market–anything that gives your heart a boost.

    Planes. I always cry on planes.

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  3. I have also been the girl who has sobbed uncontrollably on public transport (perhaps more than once).
    Don't let this experience make you doubt yourself and your beautiful heart.
    *Squeezing you in a tight hug*

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  4. oohhhh, lady. i so send you all the good juju i can possibly muster. you cared too much for someone who didnt deserve your sass, and i look forward to the day the nice, dapper, cute-future-dad-on-the-subway type of man waltzes right in. 😉

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  5. Stay strong, sweetie. Look back to all your past post and how wonderful you are (without a guy). The perfect one will come sweeping you off your feet and appreciating you like all of us (your followers) do.

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  6. Dearest Anna,

    Don't ever believe that you are caring too much. If this feeling arises, it's only because you aren't with the right person. The right person will take all the care you've got and make you sigh with relief and happiness from being so loved and appreciated for who you are and what you have to give. Don't change yourself! The right person is out there; waiting for all your love and care!

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  7. I think that I so desperately want to believe all the wonderful kind things folks are saying and I feel I should shoot myself if I say a discouraging word….. I believe that some of us will be so lucky. I believe Anna that you will be so lucky.. But some of us are not. Some of us push forward, one step in front of the other, and we smile at the sun, and we put on the brave face, and care for the young, and the sad, and the cynical and we push out so much love… And it fills the cup such that it is survivable, but only just barely. And you wait, and you hope and you keep busy. And just beneath the surface is that primal hollowness still saying after all these years, Oh God,I can't breathe. But we believe in God and we know that He loves us and He has a purpose and uses us for a blessing – just as you are blessing so many with your beautiful and hope-filled blog. And most importantly, we believe that He will provide and his grace is sufficient. He promised. So in all things, give thanks.

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  8. Don't mind me, just reading through your blog for the million time and commenting for the first. (Unless this comment already went through, but I don't think it did.) I come here when I need to feel that there is somebody in this universe that I can relate to and to find words that make me feel understood. This post is the most relatable thing I've ever read (Right now. I say that about different posts of yours regularly). Thank you for being so lovely and sharing yourself with us. ❤️

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  9. Pingback: Favorite posts of past times | Little Reminders of Love

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