This isn’t what I expected–but when, really, is anything the way we expect it to be?–it’s been possibly one of the most frustrating, confusing, lonely, invigorating, edge-of-the-seat exciting times of my life.
It’s been… hard.
I didn’t expect to fall so hard, so fast. I didn’t expect to be crushed harder than ever before. I didn’t expect to feel so lost among crowds of other people’s families, lovers, friends. I didn’t expect it to be December and be among nothing of the sort.
But I am. And it’s tough. Yet, I can’t help but think this will pass. This lonely chapter of my life will be something I simply look back on and sigh heavily while thoughts of “how did I get through that” go through my head.
Most of all, I can’t wait until I’m able to say, “I’d do it all again, if was meant to bring me to you.”
And today, after a stunning man locked eyes with me on the subway causing butterflies in my stomach to re-emerge from their frozen cocoon, I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
It was back.
My heart is healing, becoming even more prepared to love when the time is right–with the one that’s right.
Yes, it’s healing.
“She believed a great happiness awaited her somewhere, and for this reason she remained calm as the days flew by.”-Gyula Krudy